Học Tiếng Anh

A psychologist was walking around the lecture hall, while teaching stress management to an audience of eager students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers rang out ranging from 8 oz to 20 oz.

She replied, “The actual weight doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt, but if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Always remember to put the glass down.

Author unknown

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Friday, November 7, 2014

It's not my fault

10:12 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

As a child I saw Tarzan running around in his birthday suit, Cinderella didn't get home until after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove at over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye was covered in tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies who always had the munchies.

No wonder I'm so messed up!

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The equation of world domination

4:22 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

However, before you laugh too much, we may have little pink eyed overlords before we know it:- http://ift.tt/YSi8jn

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Friday, October 24, 2014

Prepositions

7:12 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

TiengAnhVui.Com

Drive up / Drive in / Drive by

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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Let us PAYE

4:09 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

The above was a headline in the Sun on August 25, about a special service to be held for the taxman of all things.

They came up with this delightful little poem in the style of the Lord's prayer:-

Our evaders

Who art in havens

How low be thy shame.

Thy tax return come

It must be done

In the Bahamas, as it is in Devon.

Give us your pay, your daily bread

And forgive us our assessors

As we forgive those who

Self-assess against us

And lead us not into exemptions

But deliver us your eBills.

For mine is the income, the power

And the Tory (chancellor),

For ever and ever.

Amen

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Monday, August 18, 2014

Fun with English and Italian

9:26 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

This reminds me of my first German lessons at night school in the UK.

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Sunday, August 17, 2014

The Judge

1:07 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

Peter Cook knew how to really have fun with English, and how to poke fun at the establishment:-

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Walking to Lidl - (Mildly offensive language)

10:33 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

Do you shop at Lidl?

Don't listen to this, if you are easily offended.

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Sunday, June 29, 2014

World cup 2014 - Highlights (Parental Advisory contains beeps)

8:43 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

If you have missed the fun, catch up with the highlights.

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Joke: 38 tips to improve your writing (a joke)

3:34 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalise every sentence and remember always end it with a full stop

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

TiengAnhVui.Com

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Views on marriage by children...

3:35 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

- Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.

- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.

- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.

- Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?

- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

- Ricky, age 10

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Monday, July 15, 2013

Dr. Good - Human Body Vocabulary - Parental Advisory

11:18 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

TiengAnhVui.Com

My favourite bits?

"Who wants pills?"

"It's strange to think that when I love someone, I'm really just loving a bag full of stuff."

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Naming the baby

4:46 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and goes into a coma.

After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Don't worry, you had twins! We had to do a C-section, but you had a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother was here and he named them for you."

The woman says, "Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Happy, she says, "Well, that's not a bad name!" So a bit more optimistically she asks the doctor, "And what's the boy's name?"

Quietly, the doctor replies, "Denephew."

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Do you suffer from G.O.D complex?

5:10 AM

Tieng Anh Vui

"Every time a modifier dangles, a communicator gets his wings."

A look at the symptoms of the scourge of professional communicators. (I do try to correct people gently.)

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh

Friday, May 31, 2013

Irish Philosophy

3:40 PM

Tieng Anh Vui

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick:-

If you are well then there's nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are two things to worry about:-

Either you will get well or you will die, and if you get well there is nothing to worry about, but if you die there are two things to worry about:-

Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell, and if you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell you will be so busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry!

Đăng ký: Hoc tieng anh